I'm terrified.

I am scared shitless.

Today I proudly announced on Facebook that I am 12 pounds from my ultimate goal weight. Then I proceeded to eat like crap for the rest of the day, because I am scared to death.

What if I fail?
What if I lose all of this weight and then can't maintain it?
What if I lose all of this weight and still feel fat?
What if I stop running and get mushy?
What if I don't look as good as I feel?

In my mind, I might as well just eat whatever because it's hopeless. I don't know if any amount of Zoloft will ever change that for me. In my mind, I still have three chins and should only fit into sweats. I can't imagine looking pretty in a dress. I'm just a fat girl. Nothing is going to change that.

I really don't like ending my day feeling this way.