Last night I got to thinking about how much the T.V. is on in this house. In the beginning, I started allowing the television to be on for about an hour in the mornings so that I could get through the morning routine more smoothly. Then I started allowing a movie in the evening as a means to wind down. But last night, when I put my mind to it, I realized that now the T.V. is literally on all day and it is always playing shows that are geared to children.
In some ways, I feel that I am justified in allow some use of the television. I am a full time student and I have a lot on my plate. The T.V. allows me to get homework done on days on which I am unable to complete the amount of work that I need to get done during nap time. However, the more I think about that "reason" the more that I realize that it is an excuse that I use to cover up the fact that I may have become a tad lazy in the last year.
Upon the realization that I may be making a critical parenting mistake, I decided last night to institute "No T.V. Tuesdays and Thursdays." It was a brilliant plan. Since my husband is off on Fridays and Saturdays we generally watch less television on those days. So, by adding two "No T.V." days, I would be making it so that the days without the boob tube would outnumber the days with. It was a brilliant plan. It was inspired. But what I didn't count on was what it would cause me to realize. DUN DUN DUN!!!
I realized today that not only had I become a little bit lazy, I have made a huge parenting error. The morning went fairly smoothly. Having to go to the pediatrician made it so that the morning went by quickly. Then there was nap time, which lasted until about 4. After nap, all hell broke loose.
Now, I have heard before that T.V. kills the imagination. I knew full well that kids who watch too much T.V. generally exhibit a tendency toward less creative play. What I didn't realize is that this would actually apply to my household. There was crying, there was wandering around, there was clinging to mommy like a barnacle. What wasn't happening was the use of the hundreds of dollars worth of toys in this house.
All of the play silks sat unloved. The wooden cars were neglected. The baby dolls were shunned. The play food was scattered by my attempt to "cook breakfast."I was left to wonder, "What have I done?" And then to panic and start to go insane thinking, "Can I fix this?" The sad thing is that I am not an expert. I don't know if the damage is done.
What I do know is that effective immediately there is a television ban in effect. During any hour where anyone under the age of 24 (my age, Dave is older) is awake, the television shall remain off. After a month or two, if I see sufficient progress I might begin to allow an hour of T.V. on non-bath nights as a pre-bedtime wind down. However, at this point I would be content to throw the stupid thing out of the upstairs window.
I have been told by my recovering alcoholic mother that the first step to conquering a problem is admitting that you have one. Well, here I am admitting it. The Beemans have a television issue. However, we will let the box control us no more. Never again will we be sedentary. We shall henceforth not allow our minds to turn to jelly. We are revolting against the mindless box of doom. I am admitting that I made a mistake.
I know that a lot of parents would rather die than make an admission like the one that I have made. But I think it's important for me to admit that I made an error. I allowed convenience to outweigh best interests. I allowed school to come before my family. The thing is, I love my good grades but I could definitely find something else to sacrifice in order to achieve them. I made the wrong choice, I sacrificed my children. In no other aspect am I a convenience parent, so why would I lower my standards as far as their play time?
I can't really say why I did, what I can say is that I will not do it any longer. To know better is to do better, and starting today I believe that I have done much better. I'm going to take it a day at a time, with the T.V. off along the way. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Boobies on the Brain.
Yesterday a lot of people on various social networking sites that I frequent were doing a lot of talking about breastfeeding. I have been breastfeeding Archer for 25 months and since it was being spoken of yesterday, I started to really think about breastfeeding and my experience with it. I realized that a lot of the time I come off as a passionate breastfeeder, which I am. However, that was not always the case.
I did not breastfeed my daughter. In fact, I would be giving myself way too much credit if I said that I tried for a week. If I am completely honest about it, I think I only lasted a grand total of two days. The fact of the matter is that I had absolutely no support and I had a limited amount of knowledge about breastfeeding. Even though I went into motherhood with the desire to breastfeed, I don't think I could have named a single benefit of breastmilk vs. formula. I honestly thought that they were the same, except that breastfeeding was harder and you actually had to hold your baby when you did it.
I remember when my daughter was born and I would ask for help getting her latched on to my breast. It hurt terribly and she would just scream. I felt like if I could just get her on correctly, we would be good to go. The problem was that I gave birth to her on a Saturday. Apparently there are no lactation consultants in the hospital on Saturdays or Sundays. The busy nurses would come in and throw her on for me, but it never felt right nor did they actually show me what to do. We were discharged before we could speak to one and after that (being as I was 19, naive, scared, and alone) I thought WIC was the only resource I had. The ladies at WIC were not very encouraging. They seemed to have limited knowledge and the lactation consultant from WIC was rude, condescending, and seemed too busy for me.
Needless to say, by the time she was a week old she was exclusively formula fed. At the time, everyone I knew formula fed. I come from a town with a lot of teen moms and so even at 19, I did have a lot of mom friends. I cannot name a single one who breastfed past 8 weeks and even those who went 8 weeks were supplementing through that time. Because of this, I had no regrets. I thought that formula must be the right way to go because if breastfeeding really was any different I would surely know and surely more people would be doing it if it were better. That was the end of that, for the time being.
Fast forward about a year and a half. In June of 2007 I became pregnant with my son. My mother in law would always talk about how she breastfed both of her boys and she was always very strongly in favor of breastfeeding. Her daughter also breastfed her daughters for a year apiece. These were the first two women that I met who were completely pro-breastfeeding. Although neither of them gave me a lot of information, knowing them prompted me to look into it. Around that time, I also became a member of Cafemom (an online social network for moms) and I befriended several women who were "lactivists." They were extremely encouraging and supportive of me in my determination to nurse my son (I also credit them with turning me on to cloth diapering and most aspects of attachment parenting, but that's a different story).
Because of them, I began reading about breastfeeding. I also hired a doula (for other reasons), which wound up being a critical decision in regards to my breastfeeding relationship. I read everything that I could. I watched YouTube videos about breastmilk and breastfeeding. The amazing thing was that I was more interested and impacted by what I learned about the benefits of breast milk than I was with the tips and how-to information about breastfeeding. I could not believe the disservice I had done to my daughter.I could not believe that I had deprived her of the nutrients and I could not believe that I had deprived us both of the bond that breastfeeding encourages. I was devastated and sometimes I still am.
See the thing is, I had a lot of trouble bonding with my daughter. Now that she is 4, we are good to go. She is my little girl and I love her to pieces. But when she was between birth and 1 year, I was basically indifferent to her. I knew she was my responsibility and I took good care of her. I thought she was cute and I enjoyed dressing her up, but I could have taken or left motherhood. I was pretty detached and it was really hard for me to get to the point where I truly felt like a mother. On top of the issues that I had with bonding, my daughter was sick all of the time. She was born in October and by March she had had croup, RSV, several colds, and 3 ear infections. When I was reading about the benefits of breastfeeding, I felt like I had suddenly put my finger on something I had been searching to explain for almost 2 years. I had always wondered why I was not a "natural" at motherhood. I wondered what I was doing wrong that contributed to my child being sick all of the time. Well, there I had it. My problems could have been solved by breastfeeding. I believe that they would have, but I say could because I know that there are no guarantees.
However, I think that I affirmed my suspicions after I gave birth to my son. Immediately after he was born, my doula firmly expressed to the hospital staff that it was my wish to nurse immediately. She put her foot down and demanded that no one do a thing until I had fed him. He was placed in my arms (by the very disgruntled, male nurse) and our journey began. My doula showed me how to hold his head and how to cup my breast as I guided him to my nipple. He latched on immediately and things were going great. Then, my wonderful doula uttered the magic words that changed my life. She looked at me and said, "Now what you should be feeling is tug, tug, tug rather than pinch, pinch, pinch." Now, to you those may sound like just words. But to me, they were magic. I felt tug, tug, tug. And I also remembered, at that moment, that with my daughter I had felt pinch, pinch, pinch. At the time, since the nurse had latched her on, I figured that was how it was supposed to feel. Tug, tug, tug had never even crossed my mind. I had even taken the hospital's breastfeeding class before I had my daughter and they had spent so much time warning us to expect pain that I just figured pinch, pinch, pinch was normal.
So, here we are today. My son is 25 months old and he is still nursing. You know why? Because every time I felt the pinching, I would pop him off and then relatch him the way that my doula had taught me. She was the key. She helped me. She practiced what she preached and taught me what to do. I feel that I was abandoned by the medical system, the first time around. I feel that they encouraged breastfeeding for show, but they could really care less what any mother does. Why else would they latch my baby on for me and then leave the room without asking if I was ok? Why else would they tell me to call a lactation consultant if I was having trouble, yet send me home with endless formula coupons and samples? The fact of the matter is, that I was the victim of a very sad system. This is a system that has come to rely too heavily on formula manufacturers. This is a system that has gotten too commercial. I was a victim, my daughter was a victim, and I hope that just by writing this I will help to ensure that someone else will not be a victim.
I did not breastfeed my daughter. In fact, I would be giving myself way too much credit if I said that I tried for a week. If I am completely honest about it, I think I only lasted a grand total of two days. The fact of the matter is that I had absolutely no support and I had a limited amount of knowledge about breastfeeding. Even though I went into motherhood with the desire to breastfeed, I don't think I could have named a single benefit of breastmilk vs. formula. I honestly thought that they were the same, except that breastfeeding was harder and you actually had to hold your baby when you did it.
I remember when my daughter was born and I would ask for help getting her latched on to my breast. It hurt terribly and she would just scream. I felt like if I could just get her on correctly, we would be good to go. The problem was that I gave birth to her on a Saturday. Apparently there are no lactation consultants in the hospital on Saturdays or Sundays. The busy nurses would come in and throw her on for me, but it never felt right nor did they actually show me what to do. We were discharged before we could speak to one and after that (being as I was 19, naive, scared, and alone) I thought WIC was the only resource I had. The ladies at WIC were not very encouraging. They seemed to have limited knowledge and the lactation consultant from WIC was rude, condescending, and seemed too busy for me.
Needless to say, by the time she was a week old she was exclusively formula fed. At the time, everyone I knew formula fed. I come from a town with a lot of teen moms and so even at 19, I did have a lot of mom friends. I cannot name a single one who breastfed past 8 weeks and even those who went 8 weeks were supplementing through that time. Because of this, I had no regrets. I thought that formula must be the right way to go because if breastfeeding really was any different I would surely know and surely more people would be doing it if it were better. That was the end of that, for the time being.
Fast forward about a year and a half. In June of 2007 I became pregnant with my son. My mother in law would always talk about how she breastfed both of her boys and she was always very strongly in favor of breastfeeding. Her daughter also breastfed her daughters for a year apiece. These were the first two women that I met who were completely pro-breastfeeding. Although neither of them gave me a lot of information, knowing them prompted me to look into it. Around that time, I also became a member of Cafemom (an online social network for moms) and I befriended several women who were "lactivists." They were extremely encouraging and supportive of me in my determination to nurse my son (I also credit them with turning me on to cloth diapering and most aspects of attachment parenting, but that's a different story).
Because of them, I began reading about breastfeeding. I also hired a doula (for other reasons), which wound up being a critical decision in regards to my breastfeeding relationship. I read everything that I could. I watched YouTube videos about breastmilk and breastfeeding. The amazing thing was that I was more interested and impacted by what I learned about the benefits of breast milk than I was with the tips and how-to information about breastfeeding. I could not believe the disservice I had done to my daughter.I could not believe that I had deprived her of the nutrients and I could not believe that I had deprived us both of the bond that breastfeeding encourages. I was devastated and sometimes I still am.
See the thing is, I had a lot of trouble bonding with my daughter. Now that she is 4, we are good to go. She is my little girl and I love her to pieces. But when she was between birth and 1 year, I was basically indifferent to her. I knew she was my responsibility and I took good care of her. I thought she was cute and I enjoyed dressing her up, but I could have taken or left motherhood. I was pretty detached and it was really hard for me to get to the point where I truly felt like a mother. On top of the issues that I had with bonding, my daughter was sick all of the time. She was born in October and by March she had had croup, RSV, several colds, and 3 ear infections. When I was reading about the benefits of breastfeeding, I felt like I had suddenly put my finger on something I had been searching to explain for almost 2 years. I had always wondered why I was not a "natural" at motherhood. I wondered what I was doing wrong that contributed to my child being sick all of the time. Well, there I had it. My problems could have been solved by breastfeeding. I believe that they would have, but I say could because I know that there are no guarantees.
However, I think that I affirmed my suspicions after I gave birth to my son. Immediately after he was born, my doula firmly expressed to the hospital staff that it was my wish to nurse immediately. She put her foot down and demanded that no one do a thing until I had fed him. He was placed in my arms (by the very disgruntled, male nurse) and our journey began. My doula showed me how to hold his head and how to cup my breast as I guided him to my nipple. He latched on immediately and things were going great. Then, my wonderful doula uttered the magic words that changed my life. She looked at me and said, "Now what you should be feeling is tug, tug, tug rather than pinch, pinch, pinch." Now, to you those may sound like just words. But to me, they were magic. I felt tug, tug, tug. And I also remembered, at that moment, that with my daughter I had felt pinch, pinch, pinch. At the time, since the nurse had latched her on, I figured that was how it was supposed to feel. Tug, tug, tug had never even crossed my mind. I had even taken the hospital's breastfeeding class before I had my daughter and they had spent so much time warning us to expect pain that I just figured pinch, pinch, pinch was normal.
So, here we are today. My son is 25 months old and he is still nursing. You know why? Because every time I felt the pinching, I would pop him off and then relatch him the way that my doula had taught me. She was the key. She helped me. She practiced what she preached and taught me what to do. I feel that I was abandoned by the medical system, the first time around. I feel that they encouraged breastfeeding for show, but they could really care less what any mother does. Why else would they latch my baby on for me and then leave the room without asking if I was ok? Why else would they tell me to call a lactation consultant if I was having trouble, yet send me home with endless formula coupons and samples? The fact of the matter is, that I was the victim of a very sad system. This is a system that has come to rely too heavily on formula manufacturers. This is a system that has gotten too commercial. I was a victim, my daughter was a victim, and I hope that just by writing this I will help to ensure that someone else will not be a victim.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Cohesion
I have decided that I need my blog to be more cohesive. The posts need to have a theme to keep them all aligned. However, my life (and my brain) is so all over the place, that this is difficult for me. I have a couple of ideas for themes, but I would love some suggestions. My ideas all involve things that are important to me, here they are:
1. Parenting: I am definitely what could/would be termed as an AP mom and I am also definitely crunchy. We cloth diaper, co-sleep, breastfeed, babywear, etc. We are also avid recyclers and take measures to make sure that our home is eco-friendly and toxin free.
2. Equality: I am a very liberal individual, however my main cause is equality. I am extremely passionate about gay rights. I really have no idea why I am so attached to the issue, although I do have several gay friends and family members, but I always have been and I feel really connected to it. Someone told me once that a straight female perspective on gay rights would be interesting, so I think that it might be a winning idea.
3. My journey with weight loss and depression: this was originally what this blog was supposed to be about. However, I sometimes worry that it would get boring and depressing. However, these two things are always a struggle for me and do consume a large part of my life.
4. Adventures in Beemanland: This would be largely about my family life and our day to day adventures without giving parenting advice or being an activist. I would probably take a humorous stance.
Ok folks, I need your help. Those are the ideas that I have but I would LOVE and dearly appreciate your creative minds helping me out on this. I love to write and I would love to have a good, readable blog that people would actually enjoy. Thanks all!
1. Parenting: I am definitely what could/would be termed as an AP mom and I am also definitely crunchy. We cloth diaper, co-sleep, breastfeed, babywear, etc. We are also avid recyclers and take measures to make sure that our home is eco-friendly and toxin free.
2. Equality: I am a very liberal individual, however my main cause is equality. I am extremely passionate about gay rights. I really have no idea why I am so attached to the issue, although I do have several gay friends and family members, but I always have been and I feel really connected to it. Someone told me once that a straight female perspective on gay rights would be interesting, so I think that it might be a winning idea.
3. My journey with weight loss and depression: this was originally what this blog was supposed to be about. However, I sometimes worry that it would get boring and depressing. However, these two things are always a struggle for me and do consume a large part of my life.
4. Adventures in Beemanland: This would be largely about my family life and our day to day adventures without giving parenting advice or being an activist. I would probably take a humorous stance.
Ok folks, I need your help. Those are the ideas that I have but I would LOVE and dearly appreciate your creative minds helping me out on this. I love to write and I would love to have a good, readable blog that people would actually enjoy. Thanks all!
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