Decisions About God.

For a long time, I have been very unsure about where I fit on the spectrum of believers and non-believers. I have always said that I have a great deal of Faith but that I have a unique perspective on God. I therefore always believed that I was best left to relate to God on my own, without any guidance from a church or religion.

It is safe to say that I have never been in favor of organized religion or organized worship. I have always felt that organized religion is where Faith goes to die. I stand by that belief. I do not believe that much good comes out of organized religion. In fact, I believe that much of the evil and hate in the world is grown from seeds sown in churches. Even at the height of my Faith, I believed that churches were for the weak minded. I have always felt that people are attracted to church because they lack what it takes to form meaningful thoughts about God on their own. Regardless of what many "Christians" will say, churches have a tendency to tell their minions what to think and the minions have a tendency to do as the churches tell them. It's a vicious cycle, and one that I have never really been a fan of.

*Note-Recently, I was attending a church in order to attempt to better understand my beliefs. I felt that maybe I could connect with God and maybe I could have some magical moment where I just knew. It didn't happen, and my church going didn't last.*

Until recent years I had never thought much about the bible. I knew what it was and since I was convinced that I believed in the Deity it revolves around I think I might have believed that it was really the word of God. However, since becoming an adult, I no longer believe that the bible is the genuine article. I have a myriad of opinions on the bible, but the most important is that it was written by men, who lie and manipulate. Human beings are not very pure creatures and I don't see how every individual who contributed to the greatest story ever told could have been 100% honest and willing to set forth the story given to them without adding their own flavor. Jesus trusted Judas, and Christians trust the holy book. See where I am going with this? I won't even begin to speak on the multiple different versions of the bible, varying by religion. That speaks for itself on the integrity of the bible.

The more I have grown, the more knowledge I have gained, the more skeptical I have become. At first, I was skeptical of religion but now I believe that I am skeptical of the existence of God entirely. I have come to the point where I know that I am either an atheist or an extreme agnostic. I cannot, for the life of me, wrap my mind around some of the things that God stands for (homophobia being the main problem for me). I also cannot reconcile myself to the arrogance and condescension that seems to be second nature for most of the believers that I know. The bottom line is that I have seen what Christianity does to people, and I don't want any part in it. I would rather be a good person because I am following my heart and doing what I believe to be right, as opposed to doing what a book and a pastor tell me to do. I find that much of the good I believe in is said by that book and those pastors to be wrong, and that concerns me. I'd rather not be a hypocrite. I'd rather believe in the good of people and of the Earth than place my faith in a book and a man perched upon a throne in the clouds. I've made the decision to choose the tangible. I've made the decision to have faith in myself.