Lessons on Awesomeness.

There was a time in the past when I didn't know the things that I know now. I didn't really have parenting related opinions or convictions. This is sad because I should have had them, because I was already a mom. Sadly, however, I did not and I parented like someone who had no real opinions on motherhood, children, or parenting. The Molly of today will tell you freely that parenting without conviction is not the ideal way to parent. Parenting is a lot more fun when you feel like you know what you are doing...or at least, that's the case for me.

I am not arrogant enough to think that what works for my family will work for every family. I think that losing that whole, "I'm right, you're wrong and it's my way or the highway attitude," was a part of my transition to adulthood. Certainly there are times in every one's lives when they are right and they know it, but as a general rule I like to live by the motto "different strokes for different folks." It's one of many mottoes I like and try to apply in my every day life (I am basically a walking bumper sticker).

All of that being said, I still find myself surprised from time to time when I am talking to someone who I consider an intelligent human being and I find that that person makes parenting decisions without giving them much consideration at all. These people simply do things because it was easier, their doctor said so, their mom did it with them, or because everyone else was doing them and I find that shocking. I hate to sound cliche, but I find myself tempted to say, "If your mom had thrown you off a bridge, would you do it to your child too?" As previously stated, it shocks me when I find these things out but the fact is that it shouldn't because once upon a time, I was that parent.

But, and there is always a but, I got lucky after a while. I just so happened to join an online community for moms where I just so happened to see people have big, vicious internet fights about things like circumcision, vaccines, breastfeeding, cloth diapers, baby wearing, co-sleeping, and pretty much anything else you can think of that you have to make decisions about as a parent. I read these arguments and I found that if I looked past some of the angry, ridiculous, or all-out crazy responses there were women on those boards who gave out some very good information. I would read the information that they gave and then I would go off and research on my own. I think that anyone who knows me probably knows where I landed on many (if not all) of these issues, but that is totally not the point I am trying to reach.

My point is that I became the parent that I am today because I was willing to listen. I was willing to accept that perhaps there was a different and better way of doing things than the ways that I had already been doing them. I learned a lot and a lot of the things that I am most vocal about are a direct result of my willingness to listen and my willingness to learn. It is not uncommon for me to engage in discussions with moms that I know or moms that are friends of other moms about the parenting decisions that we make. It is not uncommon for these same moms to become bristly, defensive, and hostile when I express an opinion that differs from theirs or provide information that encourages parenting differently than they do.

On some of these subjects, I am sure that I am actually right (for example: there is really no argument on whether or not breastfeeding is better than formula. It is. Period.). On other subjects, I am sure that the way that I do it is best for my family but I acknowledge that it may not work for others (for example: I wish I could convince every mom in the whole wide world to cloth diaper, but I doubt I'd be able to. It simply won't work for some people and some simply don't want to.).

It's not the difference of opinion that bothers me. What bothers me is the unwillingness to listen. The unwillingness to look more deeply into our options as parents is really disturbing. I don't know whether it is because these people feel guilty knowing that they may not be doing what's best, or because they feel silly for not knowing their options, or even if they are just so stubborn to look beyond what they think they know. When we know better, we do better so why would anyone not want to know?

If someone says to you, "We used to do that but we started doing this and it has worked really well for us." Instead of responding in a snappy manner and assuming that person is trying to tell you what to do or how to parent, it might be beneficial to think, "Oh, that might work for us to. She's really nice for trying to help and offering a constructive suggestion."

If you want to be an awesome mom, don't worry because you probably already are. If you want to be just plain awesome, open your mind. Open your ears and open your eyes. Open up a new browser window and start googling. It's important to recognize that there is always a different way of doing things and from time to time that different way might be better. It's important to recognize that knowing your options gives you the opportunity to make wiser choices. It's important to parent with your eyes open and not just follow the herd.