Goals and other things.

I just scored the winning goal. I hit my first weight loss goal today after 3 weeks of Weight Watchers. I'm really proud of myself because that means two things:

1) What I am doing is working and I am losing weight.
2) I am losing weight at a healthy pace that will enable me to keep it off.

I felt like a million bucks when I stepped off of the scale this morning. I still have a long way to go but if I keep losing at this pace, I will hit my goals in the amount of time I was hoping to.

I was really worried this wee that I would be tempted to over eat and I was concerned that my weight loss would halt because I didn't work out at all this week. I am not sure why, but I could never motivate myself to get on the treadmill. I would think about it and I had intentions of doing it many times but I talked myself out of it each time. This week I hope to do better. I need to run or otherwise work out at least three times.

I noticed this week that I was much more gloomy than I have been previously. Even though I managed to eat well, I still felt like "depressed Molly," much of the time. I think that exercise would have helped with that. Perhaps I would have been in less of a funk if I had gotten my endorphins pumping with a good run. I also ran out of my placenta pills last week, so I should have been even more mindful to exercise. I need to be doing everything that I can to stay ahead of my depression right now.

It's very important to me that I maintain my sanity. I remember what I was like two years ago and it was not pretty nor was it pleasant. I could barely get out of bed. I was failing as a wife and as a mother. Not to mention, I was failing myself as a person because I had let my depression get so bad that I couldn't even move. I had no fight left in me. I don't want to live like that ever again. I missed out on so many things with my family.

Depression ate me up and kept chewing. It never even bothered to spit me back out. As good as it feels to have seen that goal number on the scale this morning, I know in the back of my mind that right now I am extremely vulnerable to depression. I know that if I lay down, I could probably sleep all day. Sure, I would eat right at meal times but the other 23 1/2 hours each day I would be a lump in my bed. I've got to fight and the fight begins now.