What Difference a Day Makes.

Not to mention the difference of several days or a couple of weeks. Since I have been such a blog slacker lately, a lot has changed since the last time that I posted. Dave and I found out 6 days ago that my pregnancy was not viable. We were devastated by the news because we wanted this baby so badly. However, we are on the road to healing. I have to have a D&C on Wednesday since my body has not miscarried yet. After that, we will probably wait a couple of months and then start trying again. I have been so lucky in the past to have healthy, unremarkable pregnancies. I was completely taken aback when I was told that there was no heartbeat and the fetus had not developed past a certain point. I know now that I will never take a pregnancy for granted, ever again. I don't think that Dave will either.

I have also been taking 5HTP and I have noticed AMAZING improvements in my sleep habits, eating habits, and my behavior in general. I had heard of it for over a year but I always figured that if anti-depressants couldn't help me, nothing could. However, I am so glad that I finally took the step and started taking it. I am still having some trouble with energy but it has helped me so much, I am just amazed. I started taking a B12 supplement today and I am hoping that this will give me the final boost that I need to have a normal amount of energy. In the wake of this miscarriage, I would like to start going to the gym about 4 times a week, just to get out of the house and not be such a couch potato.

I have also begun to take some steps to repair my relationship with my father and with my youngest older sister. It had been years since I spoke to either of them and recently, I spoke to both of them. It felt really good. I want my children to have the opportunity to know where they came from. I haven't spoken to either of them since, but I am hoping that this is the beginning of something new. Dave and Archer have never met my father and I think it would be nice if that happened at some point. People don't last forever, so I won't always have the chance to know whether or not my dad and I could have at least enjoyed each other's company. As far as my sister goes, I have always regretted that she and I grew apart. Most of the time, I did not miss my father at all. However, I missed my sister every day and I am really looking forward to having her and her family in my life again.

As a whole, I am feeling much better than I have in a long time. I am very hopeful and I think that things are evolving and are certain to get better. I am hoping the 5HTP continues to do it's job and that the B12 begins to work and that I can be the Molly that I remember being 2 years ago. I am ready to stop being so miserable and so closed off. I really want to be living. I was never like this before and I never want to be like this again. It is definitely time for a change...for the better.