The Journey.

I really don't want to be a diet, weight-loss, and running blogger but here this goes anyways:

I have been on a journey since March 1st. That was the day that I started doing the C25K running program as well as the day that I first tracked my points with Weight Watchers. I started out not being able to run for a minute without wanting to die. Now I am training for and registered to race in a 10K. I am also more than 40 pounds lighter and two sizes smaller than I was on March 1st. I have exceeded my wildest dreams of where I would be in less than six months. I feel overwhelming pride and am experiencing a new level of self-love.

This morning, I set a new weight loss goal. I have been setting small goals this whole time and rewarding myself along the way. Today I am rewarding myself by reaching my current weight by going and getting my hair cut and dyed. When I reach this next goal, I am going to go and buy myself new pants and shirts because the ones I have are hanging off of me and I look ridiculous. When I reach my next goal, however, there will be something more significant than clothing that will make it special. The next goal that I set will be my ultimate weight loss goal.

This is both exciting and scary to me. For one thing, it is an accomplishment that I have looked forward to and dreamt of for three years. For another, I am scared of what I will do when I am NOT trying to lose weight. I know that I will keep running because I love it. But will I decide to lose a little more? Will I be able to maintain it? What will I look like? Will I be able to accept and love my body at my goal weight? Or will I always be unhappy with the way that I look?

This has been a long journey for me. I have had to confront the fact that for a long time I was being dishonest with myself about how committed I was to losing weight. I also have had to really evaluate my relationship with and habits concerning food. I have had to confront my expectations and fantasies regarding my body and place them in context of the reality of what I look like. At times I have felt fantastic and there have been low points, but for the most part I cannot believe how much I have learned about myself. I always thought that weight loss commercials were cheesy when they talked about empowerment and inner strength but I have spent the last 5 months eating my words as I learned firsthand that weight loss requires much more than diet and exercise.

I am just hoping that this isn't the end of my journey.